YOU ARE A WARRIOR

A little over 3 months ago, I had the biggest surgery of my life. Here is some background info for anyone reading this who doesn’t know my story. In June 2021, I noticed a large, painless lump on my inner thigh.

Something in my gut told me to get it checked out ASAP. After an MRI and a biopsy, I was diagnosed with a soft tissue sarcoma in July 2021. Following my diagnosis, I saw several doctors to create a plan. In September, I went through 15 rounds of radiation. At the end of October, I had extensive surgery to remove the tumor.

The morning of surgery was tough. I fought back tears as they wheeled me in for surgery. I will never forget one nurse’s words, “You are too young to be here.” Then she told me that she was 32 and almost due to have her baby when she was diagnosed.

Cancer doesn’t care. It doesn’t care how old or young you are. It doesn’t care if you are about to bring a life into the world. It doesn’t care if you are a parent. It doesn’t care how much money you make. It doesn’t care about your resume or your education. It doesn’t care who you are or who you think you are.

Cancer literally doesn’t care.

If cancer comes knocking on your door (and I hope and pray it never does), all you can do is focus on the battle in front of you.

Here’s the deal…. You won’t win every battle.

There will be days that make you fall to your knees. There will be days filled with tears.

But it’s not about winning every battle. What matters most is that you show up for the fight.

That’s life in general, right? We don’t always win.

But if we keep showing up…. We are doing it right.

In the end, it’s not about winning. It’s about having the courage to keep showing up and fighting.

Last week, I had my first official post op checkups and scans. If anyone tells you this isn’t nerve wracking, don’t believe them. I went into these appointments feeling great. Honestly, I feel better than I have in years. But there is still fear…. The fear that maybe I am delusional. Maybe I am missing something.

And the what if’s… What if this is back? What if I am not well? What if I just convinced myself all is good? What if I have to start over? What if. What if. What if.

You can what if yourself to death if you aren’t careful.

The key is to catch yourself in this mindset and take a step back. Just breathe.

As a human race, we are hardwired to focus on the negative.

Why?

Because that is how our ancestors survived. They had to watch out for the things that could kill them… predators, disease, starvation, even other humans. These past lifestyles required them to remain on high alert. If they let their guard down at the wrong time, it could mean death.

Today, we aren’t required to worry nonstop about our survival. Most of us aren’t concerned about becoming a meal for a wild animal. We also have enough food and modern medicine to take care of our basic needs. However, the survival genes that lead to negative thinking are still awake and alive inside of our bodies.

This innate sense is why we tend to focus on problems instead of solutions. It is why we think about the worst-case scenario instead of the best. It is why we talk about everything that could go horribly wrong instead of what could go right. It is why we remember the one negative comment someone says instead of the one hundred compliments that follow.

As you can see, we are hardwired to focus on the negative. The good news is that we can change our thought patterns, which transforms our DNA. Our brains and nervous systems are plastic. This means that we have the power to change how we are wired. In the past, scientists thought our genes were unchangeable. Lucky for us, this isn’t true.

The first step to reprogramming this negativity bias comes from our awareness and conscious perspective. Simply put, we cannot change what we aren’t aware of. You must name it to tame it. By noticing when these negative beliefs start creeping in, we give ourselves the power to change.

When we recognize that we are only thinking about the world coming to an end or how horrible our circumstances are, we give ourselves the power of choice. We get to choose to keep thinking the same way or to try a new perspective. The reality is… we always have a choice. But we are pros at convincing ourselves that everything is out of our control. This is true to a point. There are things we cannot control in life. We cannot control some circumstances. We cannot always control our environment. We definitely cannot control other people.

But we can always control how we think and how we feel. That is where our true power lies. Even when unfortunate things happen in our lives, we are always in charge of our responses and how we think about the situation. It is all about our perspective.

Let me give you an example:

Surgery left me with a huge scar on my leg. It runs all the way from my groin to my knee. A deep cut complete with red marks from where the stitches were pulled through my skin. It also looks like I am missing a chunk out of my inner thigh. I guess I am if you really think about it. That space was home to a tumor for an unknown amount of time, and I lost about 30% of muscle in my right leg.

Moral of this story… my right leg doesn’t look like my left. It will never look the same again. At my post op appointments, a doctor asked if the scar bothers me. I shrugged and she rattled off a list of scar fading ointments and creams.

After the appointment, I thought about it. Does this scar bother me? Does it freak me out?

My answer is no. It’s my biggest scar but not the first. When I was a kid, I was attacked by a dog. The scars on my face and nose bothered me for a long time. I had to make the conscious decision to view my scars as symbols of strength instead of as flaws.

When my doctor brought up my scar before anything else, I was surprised. My main concern at this point is keeping the cancer from coming back. Not on getting rid of the marks it left behind.

What was left behind is proof.

Proof that I showed up for the fight. I may not have won every battle along the way. There were countless tears. I felt sorry for myself more than once. I was afraid every step of the way. But I showed up through it all. And now I have the scars to prove it.

My scars aren’t my weakness. They are my strength.

I hope you can see your scars the same way. The ones visible to the human eye, as well as the ones we cannot see. I hope you view your scars as strength instead of a constant reminder of your hardships. Even if you haven’t won every battle that life has thrown your way, you still showed up for the fight.

Keep showing up. Keep fighting.

Never lose sight of how much power and strength you have. You are in full control about how you think and feel in every situation. You have always been and will always be… a warrior.